Archive for February 25, 2009

Hothouse Flowers

So I’ve got this new acupuncturist I’m seeing, which I’ll tell you more about later. But she’s a total healthfood nut. I must! eat only whole grains. I must! give up coffee. I must! change my lifestyle, eat a good breakfast, not eat after six p.m., increase my carbs in relation to my other foods, eat only organic, drink more water, transform myself into her except GOD I HOPE much cuter.

And she said to me something that I’ve heard from many healthfood nuts in the past. She said, because I should be eating only organic foods, I should be eating at home. “When I go out to eat,” she said, “I get sick.”

Excuse me? You get sick when you get out. I don’t. This is evidence that you’re healthier than me?

This hypervigilant organic-only diet turns you into a hothouse flower, delicate to a fault to any exposure to the outside world. Me? I’m a dandelion. I thrive anywhere and everywhere. Which is better? I dunno, but I sure like being able to leave the hothouse.