As I was tweezing this morning, I thought of the several occasions on which I was told I had “good eyebrows.” No, seriously. My arch is exactly where the arch is supposed to be.

And it suddenly hit me how stupid it all is. I mean, there’s a place where your arch is “supposed” to be? And if it’s not there, you’re irrevocably flawed? Now, I agree your arch should not be in your nose. If your arch is in your nose, tweeze that sucker.

The Ideal Eyebrow

I like grooming. Grooming is fun. Grooming is pleasurable primate behavior. That’s not the point. The point is, how many body parts have “ideal” states, and how come we have to work so hard to achieve that ideal and hate on how we have failed to achieve that ideal?

It is objectively insane to care about whether your eyebrows conform to an ideal. Or to think that there is something wrong with the eyebrows you have that makes you somehow Less Than.

I saw Julia Roberts on a talk show and they asked her about Mystic Pizza, and she said that was before she started doing her eyebrows, so it’s unbearable for her to look at it now. Julia Roberts. Hates on how flawed she was because of those giant hairy monsters devouring her face.

And this is the point at which I think we must all agree that we are OKAY with the body parts we have. Stop hating on the eyebrows. Or the breasts or the ass or the skin or the toes. Stop. The energy of self-hatred is exhausting. The time spent trying to fix imaginary flaws is extensive. Groom, enjoy the pretty, but calm the hell down.