Archive for Politics

She’s a bride, he’s a person

July 10, 2013 / / Comments Off on She’s a bride, he’s a person

Melissa and I chose a still-life wedding cake topper. It’s custom-made and I’m very happy with it. Looking for toppers was frustrating. Yes, there were same-sex options, but they were mostly pretty, skinny, blonde same-sex options, and it wore me out.

Anyway, now I’m looking at cake designs that can accommodate large toppers, and I noticed a trend: He’s a person. She’s a bride.

He’s a firefighter. She’s a bride.

He’s a sailor. She’s a bride.

He’s an athlete. She’s a bride.

He’s military. She’s a bride.

He’s a superhero. She’s a bride.

Mostly these are custom-ordered, it’s not an imposition of sexism from the outside. We all live in a patriarchal culture, one in which “bride” is the expected end-goal for a woman. And yes, the trope has changed; we’re allowed to have additional goals. But we’re still supposed to have this one, and it has the potential to erase our personhood.

I also found plenty of toppers where both people had some kind of occupation (hobby, job, or whatever), although none where the bride had an occupation and the groom did not. Grooms are people. Their end-goal is not “being a groom.”

But “being a bride” as a substitute for “being an interesting person” is a component of the patriarchy, and these toppers (which were probably chosen by the bride, let’s face it) are a symptom.

Boy or Girl?

March 5, 2012 / / 2 comments

I went to McDonald’s yesterday (don’t judge!) and ordered a Happy Meal. It’s a way to eat as much as you want, and not supersize it, it has apple slices, it’s cheap, and I like the toy.

So anyway. I order a Happy Meal, and the kid behind the counter says “Boy or girl?” I was momentarily stymied.

Why do we have to stick a gender on this? Obviously, it’s for the toy choice. I’ll even play Devil’s Advocate for a moment; I think that customers asked them to introduce this. When Arthur was little, there were just Happy Meals, not “boy” meals and “girl” meals. In fact, he’d give me his toys if he thought they were too girly (my love of stupid little toys goes way back). I’ll bet that parents got tired of kids being disgruntled, I bet that customers asked for the option.

But why is the option “boy or girl”?

“What are the toys?” I asked. “Star Wars or Build-a-Bear.” “Star Wars,” I said.

Girls don’t like Star Wars? Boys don’t like bears?

What efficiency expert decided that it was easier to ask “boy or girl” than to simply give a toy choice?

Today’s irritation has been brought to you by The Patriarchy.

We need joy

May 2, 2011 / / 2 comments

You don’t need me to tell you how bleak the news has been lately. Massacres, political oppression at home and abroad, natural disasters, threat of nuclear meltdown, tornadoes, union busting, racism, and tragedy. Half the time I want to hide under the bed, or stop listening to the news.

I didn’t wake up at 4 a.m. to watch the royal wedding, but I looked at pictures on the Internet, and it gave me a thrill. The hats alone are enough to cheer anyone up. I watched my DVR Today Show coverage on Saturday, and a little more of it on Sunday (there was a lot), and I have to say, it felt good. I’m not one of those royal-obsessed people, but you absorb a certain amount of information, and y’know, I’m Oscar obsessed, and there were two Oscar-winning movies about this particular royal family in the past four years. It’s a strangely-constrained life the Windsors lead, but they allow people to gather around a sense of nationalism that transcends politics. The occasion was beautiful, and when Prince William leaned in and kissed his bride a second time, yes, I kvelled.

And then, last night, the news that Osama bin Laden has finally been killed. I know it’s strange and ambivalent to celebrate death, but I celebrate a victory, and a closure, and a sense of triumph, and again, a sense of nationalism that transcends politics (although there are definitely politics involved).

We can’t just be serious-minded day in, day out, caring about all that bad stuff and struggling to make a difference. We need the punctuations of joy. We need to feel, this is good, this is pretty, this is a win. We need to hug each other and say YES! We need to know that life has all the colors, not just the grays.

How lovely that all this happened around Beltane. May the springtime be our color in a life with too much gray. Blessed be to all!

Schrödinger’s Rapist

October 8, 2009 / / 2 comments

This should be shared far and wide.

    When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape. I won’t know for sure unless you start sexually assaulting me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.

    Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the women with whom you interact feel as safe as possible.

Read the whole thing.

September 11, 2009

September 11, 2009 / / Comments Off on September 11, 2009

I have a tattoo of the Twin Towers on my right arm—fairly prominent, about 3 1/2 inches high. Often, strangers stop me to talk about my tattoos, and usually, since 9/11, this is the one they notice. The most common question I get is “Did you lose somebody?”

This used to surprise me. We all lost somebody. We all lost every one of the victims. I hope it takes nothing away from the people who lost spouses, partners, children, parents, and beloved friends and relatives, to say that the collective loss is profound.

We all lost somebody.

People had all sorts of reactions: Fear, rage, panic, numbness. I was, and remain, deeply sad. The hole in Ground Zero remains a hole in my heart.

My all those who lost their lives that day be at peace. May their loved ones be comforted. Let all those who sacrificed so much, physically and emotionally, in rescue and recovery efforts, be acknowledged and healed. May all of us pause for a moment to reflect upon all that we take for granted, and how swiftly it can change.

Please politicize my death

August 28, 2009 / / Comments Off on Please politicize my death

I can’t say it any better than Amanda Marcotte.

Rest in Peace, Senator Kennedy

August 26, 2009 / / One comment

Liberals and progressives have lost a true champion. Kennedy was a committed and vigorous defender of just about everything I value; of protection to the unprotected, of true liberty, of the rights and dignity of all people. He was an orator and a pitbull. He was never weak, never centrist, never known for compromise, yet got things done. The world is a poorer place today for his absence.

The ideal eyebrow

July 9, 2009 / / 2 comments

As I was tweezing this morning, I thought of the several occasions on which I was told I had “good eyebrows.” No, seriously. My arch is exactly where the arch is supposed to be.

And it suddenly hit me how stupid it all is. I mean, there’s a place where your arch is “supposed” to be? And if it’s not there, you’re irrevocably flawed? Now, I agree your arch should not be in your nose. If your arch is in your nose, tweeze that sucker.

The Ideal Eyebrow

The Ideal Eyebrow

I like grooming. Grooming is fun. Grooming is pleasurable primate behavior. That’s not the point. The point is, how many body parts have “ideal” states, and how come we have to work so hard to achieve that ideal and hate on how we have failed to achieve that ideal?

It is objectively insane to care about whether your eyebrows conform to an ideal. Or to think that there is something wrong with the eyebrows you have that makes you somehow Less Than.

I saw Julia Roberts on a talk show and they asked her about Mystic Pizza, and she said that was before she started doing her eyebrows, so it’s unbearable for her to look at it now. Julia Roberts. Hates on how flawed she was because of those giant hairy monsters devouring her face.

And this is the point at which I think we must all agree that we are OKAY with the body parts we have. Stop hating on the eyebrows. Or the breasts or the ass or the skin or the toes. Stop. The energy of self-hatred is exhausting. The time spent trying to fix imaginary flaws is extensive. Groom, enjoy the pretty, but calm the hell down.

Michael Jackson

June 26, 2009 / / 13 comments

I have listened to about six obituaries, and seen about two hundred Facebook postings. I have seen extraordinary YouTube videos; reminders of a great talent. I’ve heard “King of Pop” and “great talent” and “genius” and “savvy investments.” And I’ve seen maybe two or three oblique references to “controversy” or being “troubled” from individuals (not on the news). Even a feminist blog referred gently to “shortcomings.”

On So You Think You Can Dance last night, Nigel Lithgow celebrated Jackson as an artist; given the nature of the show, that’s appropriate, but then he said something about “a great life.” No. A great art, yes, but not a great life.

Can we please, and I know I’m interrupting the great national outpouring of grief, but can we please remember that this man was almost certainly a child molester? Of multiple children on multiple occasions? Can we please just notice that?

Can we remember: This man was tried for this crime, and afterwards the jurors said they really felt like he’d done it, but that the prosecution hadn’t proved their case and they had no choice but to acquit despite feeling he was guilty.

I get that people are complicated. I’m not a great believer in (you should pardon the expression) black or white. Everyone has good and bad within them. But how is it that in this barrage of information I am the first person I’ve heard mention this kind of important thing?

You want an answer? It’s because this culture has already decided it’s not important. If we just ignore child abuse and pretend it’s not there, minimize it when forced to confront it and put it back undercover as soon as possible, everything runs so much more smoothly. If we just forget the little part about the children suffering horrifically, everything is so much better. If we forget that part.

I don’t want to forget that part.

But hey, this isn’t exceptional. It’s not like we usually condemn child molesters but Michael was so special that in this one case we’re giving it a pass. This is the normal functioning of Western patriarchy. This is how it’s done.

I don’t know that I have a lot more to say about that. I don’t think I need to amass evidence, here, that we ignore child abuse wherever possible. I don’t think I need to point to the many newspaper articles, for example, about men in their forties “having sex with” twelve year old nieces or whatever. Not abusing, raping, attacking, assaulting, or molesting, mind you; “having sex.” That’s even prettier than “controversy.”

I’m not interested in prettying it up. I’m not here to make nice. An extraordinarily talented child molester died yesterday. Some people are not grieving the loss of talent. Let’s remember them, too.

Pagan Values Month: Putting the “poly” in polytheism

June 3, 2009 / / 12 comments

Pagan blogger Pax has declared June to be Pagan Values Month, and is asking Pagan bloggers to write about Pagan values.

Fundamental to our values, I believe, is pluralism. Everything we believe, even the lines we draw in the sand, must be rooted in plurality. There are many gods, many paths, many truths.

Monotheism has “mono” as a root value. One God, one Truth, one Right with all other things Wrong. This is a net negative for culture, I believe.

Polytheism allows us to worship many gods, few if any of whom are “jealous Gods.” None of them seem to demand that we worship Them and Them alone. Kali has never asked me to cease worshiping the gods of Wicca, and vice versa. Doing one thing fervently, wholeheartedly, with body, mind, heart, and spirit, does not prevent Pagans from doing another, very different, thing with the same wholeheartedness.

There are surely things that are wrong, but a pluralistic world view means that, once we have found something we know to be right, we do not know that everything else is wrong. One god worthy of worship does not make all other gods false. One life worth living does not make all other lifestyles inferior. One candidate worth supporting does not make all other candidates assholes (although, y’know, maybe).

It’s easier to love your neighbors if you’re a pluralist, because you don’t have to hate their choices. It’s easier to be a good citizen, because you aren’t judging your fellow citizens by rigid moral standards that don’t allow for cultural and personal differences.

I could apply the core value of pluralism to lots of specific issues. Pagans tend to support same sex marriage and GLBT rights, because it is consistent with polytheistic values to support a plurality of ways to love, and a plurality of expressions of gender. Even heterosexual Pagans, even Pagans like me who are part of a Pagan tradition deeply rooted in gender polarity. Because even though my tradition works on the basis of gender polarity, mine is not the only right tradition. If someone found something incompatible with my tradition, whether it was the gender polarity thing, or the skyclad thing, or anything else, they could find a different tradition, and they wouldn’t be less blessed, less spiritual, less beloved of the gods.

I could continue in this vein, of course. GLBT issues are just one example. Reproductive freedom is another. Surely I know Wiccans who are against abortion because they find it incompatible with a fertility religion, but most Wiccans and Pagans are pro-choice because the very concept of choice is rooted in plurality; we can each make our own choices even when they differ from one another. (And by the way, when I say “most” are this and that, I am not pulling that out of my ass, there are actual statistics out there.)

So, pluralism, as expressed in the sacred (polytheism) and the mundane (politics, community relations) is a core Pagan value.

« Older Entries  
zeeReputation Theme