Archive for Deborah Lipp

Narcissism and cluelessness

I know someone who is a narcissist. I don’t mean someone vain or self-centered, I mean a textbook, DSM-IV, narcissist.

One thing I’ve noticed about this person is that he’s pretty clueless about all sorts of things. Doesn’t know about common illnesses or their well-known home remedies. Doesn’t know what sort of government agencies exist to help with common problems. All sorts of small, helpful awarenesses are just utterly absent.

I was surprised at this at first, because this is a very intelligent person. But ultimately I realized that it is in fact, part of the narcissism (Gods, I hate typing that word).

One feature of narcissim (argh) is lack of empathy. Which at first seems like an interpersonal problem. Damages friendships and family relations, that sort of thing. But it turns out, you learn a lot in life from being empathetic. Face it, there’s a finite amount you’re going to learn by studying, or by experiencing it yourself. Most of us have a huge body of knowledge gained by paying attention to our friends. My friend had back surgery. My sister and another friend had gastric bypass. I have several friends in AA. I know two people who’ve successfully sued to get SSI disability. None of these are things I’ve experienced myself, but all of them are things I know about, and can talk about knowledgeably, because I’ve paid attention to what my friends had to say about their own experience.

If you lack empathy, you lack an enormous resource for becoming smart about the world. So no matter how high your IQ, you end up…kind of dumb.

Trivia: Announcement and Solutions

Trivia was all solved with no hints! Yay! Solutions below the fold.

I’m going to drop the requirement that every trivia game have a Bond connection. My Bond readers have primarily migrated over to the other blog, and the trivia players here don’t get a lot of fun out of hunting down the Bond question, as far as I can tell.

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Tuesday Trivia: All Quotes

In support of the writer’s strike, here are things that were written:

1. So, young woman, the way forward is sometimes the way back.
Solved by Evn (comment #3).

2. Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.
Solved by Barbs (comment #21).

3. Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over.
Solved by George (comment #19).

4. Congratulations to you and Peter. I’m glad you taught me to speak so I could say that.
Solved by Melville (comment #1).

5. You must excuse me, gentlemen, not being English, I sometimes find your sense of humor rather difficult to follow!
Solved by Barbs (comment #22).

6. From where I sat it looked as though you were conjugating some irregular verbs.
Solved by TomHilton (comment #14).

7. I’ve got a degree in ass wiggling, mate.
Solved by Evn (comment #2).

Monday Movie Review: The Hours

The Hours (2002) 10/10
A single, pivotal day in the lives of three women: Virginia Woolf (Nicole Kidman) in the 1920s as she writes Mrs. Dalloway; Clarissa Vaughan (Meryl Streep) in 2001, as she prepares to throw a party for her friend Richard (Ed Harris), whose nickname for her is Mrs. Dalloway, and Laura Brown (Julianne Moore) in the 1950s, who is reading Mrs. Dalloway.

Last week, I saw The Hours for the second time (I saw it in the theater in 2002), and then read the novel The Hours.

The first thing I should say is that The Hours is fully and one hundred percent a movie. What author Michael Cunningham did with words in his novel is done visually in the film. Director Stephen Daldry created a visual language, a language of jewelry and flowers and color and food. The women flow in and out of each other, and that’s crucial, but it’s not done in a way that’s verbal or linear. They connect in their hand movements, and their earrings; the visual particulars of life, every bit as much as they connect through events. This is what I think the movie’s great achievement is, to work from a famous and highly regarded novel, and not to succumb to novel-worship. The Hours is a story to look at and to feel.

The novel, on the other hand, is very much a story to read. Its words are exquisite, complex, delicate, and dense.

As she pilots her Chevrolet along the Pasadena Freeway, among hills still scorched in places from last year’s fire, she feels as if she’s dreaming or, more precisely, as if she’s remembering this drive from a dream long ago. Everything she sees feels as if it’s pinned to the day the way etherized butterflies are pinned to a board. Here are the black slopes of the hills dotted with the pastel stucco houses that were spared from the flames. Here is the hazy, blue-white sky…She is a woman in a car dreaming about being in a car.

This passage stuns me. It’s just Laura driving; but all the images add up to so much; to numbness and death and escaping death, to the beauty of life and the intense sense of disconnection.

Daldry achieves something similar in the film, although not quite as brilliantly. I don’t want to compare the two (that never works) so much as contrast them and use the novel to illuminate the movie, to show both its brilliance and its flaws. Certainly the internal life of each woman cannot be conveyed as easily on film. Instead, the movie is more emotional, more embracing. It’s a good choice. It’s a movie that makes you cry without being a “tearjerker.” Which is to say, I didn’t feel jerked.

Both times I saw the movie I was intensely struck by the costumes, by how put together they were, perfectly real in a way that was almost too perfect. Clarissa dresses exactly like the character she is; a successful New York lesbian with a long-time partner and a gorgeous brownstone. The black turtleneck, the elaborate necklace, the amber earrings, all just so. And the book definitely gave me insight into that; each woman is aware that she’s performing; Laura Brown just doesn’t dream she’s a woman driving, she is playing the character of a woman driving, of a pregnant housewife and a mother baking a cake. The heightened tone illustrates that.

There are sour notes in the movie. There were lines that felt so “literary adaptation,” that were so written. And they fell with a thud. Interestingly, those lines mostly weren’t in the book; they were an attempt to convey things from the book in dialogue rather than in imagery and action. Screenwriter David Hare is the likely culprit; he’s better known as a playwright than a screenwriter, and the literary tone could certainly work on the stage.

Ed Harris is kind of off. His dialogue didn’t fit his emotional presence. I understood the character much better reading him; in the novel he was kind of fey, but Harris plays Richard with a driving rage, and that doesn’t entirely work.

But these are isolated moments. The movie is completely worth seeing, completely fascinating. So few movies attend to the small details of life in a way that adds up to something larger. The Hours is one of them.

Sunday Meditation: The Meditation Cloak

Last time, I introduced the concept of a Cloak of Peace, and suggested that it could be used for a variety of purposes. Today, I’d like to continue that exploration.

Let’s start with a couple of caveats. First, you’re going to be building up the energy and efficacy of this cloak over time, over a number of meditation sessions. So choose one concept that is most meaningful to you; one cloak that will be most useful to you. Think about your day to day life and ask yourself: Where do I get into trouble? Where do I stumble? At what moment do I most need a helping hand? I chose “peace” as the helping hand, but yours may be different.

Second, make sure your color symbolism really works for you. You can research various color systems, or you can work intuitively, but make sure the color clearly conveys the feeling you’re going for. You don’t want to change your mind six months down the road. So think about color before creating the cloak.

Finally, you may find this technique so useful and easy that you decide to have a second cloak, in a very different color (and/or fabric and/or style) for a different purpose. But you want to be very good at having and using the one cloak first, so assume you’re only going to have one, and choose the one you want the most.

Okay, now that’s out of the way. Let’s talk about uses for the cloak.

I went to sleep last night thinking of all the things I want to accomplish, and thought about creating a Cloak of Energy. I often feel lazy, dragged out, unmotivated. My knee hurts, I had a long day, there’s something good on TV. Things don’t get done.

What would a cloak of energy be like? I imagine the color should be red (Mars, strength, aggression, motivation), orange (vitality, success, fire), or yellow (the Sun, achievement, ambition, strength). I would make it of a light fabric, like a silk or a jersey, that moved easily as I moved. Maybe even a short cloak, like a capelet, because that feels like something someone energetic would wear. In creating the meditation, I would focus on feelings of excitement, energy, and motivation, and visualize myself accomplishing small household tasks that require lots of moving around (carrying laundry, cleaning off clutter, that sort of thing).

I originally devised this meditation to help with ADHD. Put on the Cloak of Focus in a classroom to help stay focused. There’s a problem with that though, a Catch-22. When you’re unfocused, it’s hard to do the meditation to create the cloak. So the thing to do is to create the cloak and reinforce it when you’re at your most focused. That way, putting it on later will require less focus.

What Deborah Wants for Yule

Deborah, who pays a monthly fee for this free and highly entertaining blog, and who speaks of herself in the third person, has an Amazon Wish List.

Go wild.

Friday Catblogging: The Rack

Okay, so we stretch our cat. You wanna make something of it?

Cat Stretching

Third Party Candidates

Yesterday’s Presidential Candidate Picker generated some interesting comments. In particular, I was casually dismissive of Nader, when my thoughts on the matter are actually more complex.

I think this country desperately needs more than two parties. I don’t know how we’ll ever get there, but I think it’s needed. As with most changes that might happen, I think a big obstacle is the corporate media; the media conglomerates must be broken apart to give smaller voices a chance to be heard.

The authors of the Constitution envisioned a lively electoral process. The 12th Amendment to the Constitution states:

The person having the greatest Number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President.

“Not exceeding three.” After the voting, if there’s no majority, you narrow down to three.

I watch the electoral processes of other countries, where there are multiple parties, and they seem more exciting, more involving, and they give the electorate (us) more choices. The voters would benefit by hearing a variety of voices, with a range of opinions. My Presidential Candidate Picker results showed a cluster of similar Democrats on one end, and a cluster of similar Republicans on the other. Multiple parties with a real chance at the White House would give real choice; you know, like the Libertarians and Greens pretend to do. Right now, alternative parties are symbolic votes; we all know those candidates can’t win. People vote for them to make a statement.

I like making statements. I also like winning.

The electoral system makes my vote virtually meaningless in a general election. I live in New York. We’re a very blue state. Blue blue blue. So blue that candidates don’t come here much. So blue that political advertisements don’t play on my TV much.

Under such circumstances, a symbolic vote makes sense. My vote for a major party candidate in 2000 would have had no impact on the results; New York was for Gore and that was that. But my vote for Nader (and I did vote for Nader) did have an impact. An important goal of the Nader candidacy was to get 5% of the vote, thereby forcing the Green Party to automatically appear on the ballot thereafter. It didn’t work; Nader got 3%, but I had no doubt that every vote counted in the effort.

I remember, in 2000, knowing that Nader appeared here or there, for this debate or that, and it never got onto the news. There was some rally or debate that Nader was shut out of, and there were pro-Nader protesters who were interrupting Gore or something, and the news reported the interruption, and I remember yelling at the radio, because the reporters weren’t telling me what the protesters were saying, or why Nader was shut out. They were reporting it as a “Gore was interrupted” story; no differently than if he’d been rained out. Nader was just a weather condition.

We, the voters, need a voice. We need candidates who address issues. And we need a media that communicates what the candidates say. The media we have doesn’t much do that. They mostly just report the horse race. Which takes me full circle, back to the corporate conglomerate media. Back to the need for many parties; not two, not three, but many.

Right now, this year, I’m not interested in voting symbolically. I’m not interested in casting a vote for a candidate with no chance, a candidate being shut out of the media circus, because he’s the most progressive (that’s Kucinich). Because there is a robust field, and because my vote does matter now, while the field is so populous, I will choose a candidate who has values I can support and integrity I can admire (that’s Edwards). But soon enough the field will narrow; the media and the money machine will force that on us; New York’s candidate will likely be locked in before I have a chance to vote.

Solutions to Robbery Trivia

A satisfying array; not too easy, but solved in a few hours.

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Presidential Candidate Picker

Ultimate 2008 Presidential Candidate Matcher

Your Result: Dennis Kucinich
 

The top priority of Dennis Kucinich is to end the war in Iraq. Kucinich also favors a repeal of the Patriot Act, would fund stem cell research, and create a universal healthcare program. He is liberal on social issues, and favors eliminating Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthy. Kucinich is also concerned about global warming.

Barack Obama
 
John Edwards
 
Hillary Clinton
 
Rudy Guiliani
 
John McCain
 
Ron Paul
 
Mitt Romney
 
Ultimate 2008 Presidential Candidate Matcher
Take More Quizzes

Yeah, sure, but I’m still not voting for him.