Archive for April 30, 2008

Leap of Faith

Angel: Well, he said I had to take the plunge.
Darla: Into an empty pool?
Angel: Sure. ‘Cause if you had water, you’d get all wet and miss out on all that skull-crushing.
Darla: Maybe he meant another pool.
Angel: Something in a koi pond. They’re very Zen.

Angel (ready to leap into the empty pool): I’m either coming back with a cure, or you’re gonna see something kinda funny.

Getting Arthur into college has been a huge leap of faith. A plunge into an empty pool. The Fool walking off a cliff. Kinda Zen. Kinda terrifying.

I couldn’t do it for myself, when I was eighteen. There was no leap of faith because I knew, I knew, that there was nothing down there but skull-crushing. The school I really wanted was in El Paso, but I couldn’t figure out how I could show up in Texas and live there, having never been anywhere. I couldn’t imagine it. I couldn’t…I really didn’t even know that what I was supposed to do was investigate how to make it happen. I didn’t know I was supposed to ask. (And this was pre-Internet, it was a little harder…a lot harder, to do research.) When I narrowed my search to local schools, the “good” one cost twice as much as the other four I looked at. The recruiter there really wanted me. I said it was too much money, and she said Don’t worry, we’ll get the money. But I didn’t see the money. She didn’t say how. The only way to get the money was to enroll; the money was available to students, not applicants. And that was terrifying. I couldn’t do it.

Not for me, no. But for my son. I can do it for him.

It’s easier. I’m older, I’ve done many scary things. I’m more motivated. I have a little bit of money and a job. And there have been times, in choosing to leap, that I’ve been rank terrified; foul-smelling, gut-clenching, ohmygodswhathaveidone scared. It’s SO. MUCH. MONEY. It’s on-the-face-of-it crazy.

I kept looking around. The people I knew who were putting their kids through school didn’t make more (or much more) than me. Some of them had two or three kids in private colleges. If they were doing it, it must be possible for me to do it. I talked to people. I learned. I learned about grants and scholarships and loans and then, y’know, it would get scary again, and then it would be about the leap. About the cliff. And ultimately, I had to say to myself, Do I walk off a cliff for him?

And I do. I’ve spent almost thirty years jealous of the people who went to college while I lived in partnership with my fear. I won’t do it again. I won’t do it to Arthur.

This will either get him an education or you’re gonna see something kinda funny.

AFI Trivia: All solved

The mystery of the lost television trivia is not solved. The AFI Top 100 Trivia is.

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Tuesday Trivia: AFI Top 100

Did I do television trivia? I thought I did television trivia last week, but it must have died in the server crash. Anyone remember?

This week I thought we’d do Great Movie Trivia. Every movie is on AFI’s Top 100 Movies (10th Anniversary) list. If we do this again, we’ll use a different list.

1. He’s coming dangerously close to having the amount of money he promised his fiancé he’d raise before marrying her, but he’s in love with someone else.
Solved by Hazel (comment #12).

2. The little girl videotaped herself before her mother killed her.
Solved by Susan of Texas (comment #3) and Roberta (comment #5): TIE

3. “Shut up and deal.”
Solved by Melville (comment #1).

4. Hal Holbrook in a dark parking garage.
Solved by Melville (comment #1).

5. “Dear, what is your first name?”
Solved by Susan of Texas (comment #3) and John Calligy (comment #6).

6. A British reporter wandering through a huge bus lot, narrating into a tape recorder.
Solved by Melville (comment #1) TIE.

7. Drunk, she insists on calling him “Professor,” although he asks her to stop.
Solved by Hogan (comment #2).

Monday non-movie review

I didn’t actually watch any movies this week. I know, right? Anyway, here’s some reviews of some other stuff I’ve been doing.

Arthur and I have been re-watching Angel on DVD. His homework schedule has been light for the first time since entering high school, so I suspended my Netflix account for a month and we’ve been spending “family time” watching 1 or 2 episodes a night, and are currently up to episode 19 (of 22) of season 2.

I got on board late with Buffy and Angel, watching Buffy in reruns after it was all over, and starting Angel reruns from the pilot while season 4 was still in prime time. I fell in love with Angel right away, and really thought it was better than Buffy. On re-viewing, I can see why some people never got bit by the Angel bug. Season 1 is choppy and inconsistent. Some of the episodes are outstanding, but overall, the show struggles to find a voice. In episode 18, though, Faith is brought in. What works is that Faith epitomizes what becomes Angel’s unique voice: The gray area of redemption.

While Buffy battles evil and works to draw a line in the sand, with her always on one side and evil always on the other, Angel is about the fluidity of the line and the place of individuals on either side of it. Angel is a vampire with a soul. Faith is a slayer gone evil. Both can be redeemed. Angel is about regret, remorse, atonement, and vengeance. That last is the tricky one, as season 2 progresses, Angel becomes more interested in fighting the enemy (Wolfram & Hart) than saving souls, and this is all it takes to push him dangerously close to switching sides.

Watching a television series is making me very conscious of the craft of writing. Seeing how a bit of dialogue is inserted for exposition; when it works, when it doesn’t work. There are scenes that are stiff, there are people being told things they already know. Nonetheless, I stand by my contention that Angel is one of the best things ever televised.

Angel: After the Fall is a “season 6” continuation comic book. Despite Joss Whedon’s hand in the plotting, I’m just about ready to give it up. The premise is that the culmination of the grand cliff-hanger battle that ended season 5 was the transporting of the entire city of LA into Hell. The hellish illustration is murky and hard to follow. Characters from time to time shine through, but there’s too much going on. Hell is a busy place; it’s hard to get a feel for what’s important when there are SO MANY demons and so much muck and so much RED.

Duma Key is Stephen King’s latest, and for regular reader of King’s work, it is especially remarkable. I’m not a King fanatic, but I’ve read many of his books, and as far as I know, this is the first one written in a first person voice. It’s a remarkable change for a writer of fifty or so books, and it brings a new sensibility to the pages.

Edgar Freemantle is simply nothing like a King character. He’s something like King—being a middle-aged man recovering from a body-crushing injury—but his voice has never before appeared in a King book. He’s wealthy, down to earth, direct, and confused. He speaks of his pain, his marriage, his daughters, and the growing mystery surrounding his time on Duma Key in an intimate and personal way. His new friend Wireman, his neighbor on Duma Key, is perhaps a more typical and stylized King character, but the friendship has a unique feeling.

Edgar, a construction company owner, was crushed by a crane. He has lost an arm, has a brain injury, and is rehabbing a crushed hip. He has rented a house on an isolated Florida Key to recover and paint. Once there, he gradually learns that there may be a supernatural reason that the prime real estate of Duma Key is relatively uninhabited, and that his own injury may have a supernatural component. Well, we expect this of King, but the horror is not the focus of the novel; the characters are.

The horror side of the plot bears a definite similarity to The Shining; the confluence of psychic people, a violent past, and an isolated location, but that part of the book is not nearly as important as the characters. This is a book about people.

I wrote an extensive review (seriously, 2000 words—what was I thinking?) of The Bond Code by Philip Gardiner at my James Bond site. The book is about the occult influences on Ian Fleming and James Bond. You might be interested.

Wish my sister a happy birthday

If you don’t read Roberta’s Voice, you should try it. My sister’s blog is primarily a personal journal, talking about her love life, her back aches, her commute, that sort of thing. But how she gets perfect strangers to read that is that the blog is really about consciousness. She’s bringing self-awareness to all her little moments, and asking herself about the nature of her interactions with herself, others, and the world. It can be compelling reading.

So stop by and wish her a happy birthday. Oh, and you can visit Basket of Kisses to see the present I got her.

Friday Catblogging: The Scritch

In the lap
Mingo in Mommy’s lap, awaiting scritch

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I like dandelions

I like dandelions. I do. I mean, not when I’m trying to grow a delicate herb garden and their mad hot root systems are invading from like, three houses down. But I like their little yellow awakefulness.

Sometimes it’s hard to be conscious of the seasons changing. I do the rituals, and yet I don’t feel the passage of time. Or maybe it’s that spring is always a surprise. Maybe it’s that winter is a hunkering down, a forgetting that there is spring.

And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed and you said, “Thats a crocus,”
And I said, “Whats a crocus?” and you said, “Its a flower,”
I tried to remember, but I said, “Whats a flower?”
You said, “I still love you.”

A crocus is nice. It’s a flower. It emerges. And I feel…a glimmer. Like maybe it’ll happen. But y’know, maybe it won’t. At Spring Equinox, we do a ritual where we plant seeds, and I see my sprouts emerging from their ritual pot, and I think, that’s nice. That’s a sign.

But then I see dandelions.

Maybe because they are unwanted, unplanted, unloved. So stubborn in their bright lovelines. Look at me, I’m here anyway. And did you notice how YELLOW I am? I’m YELLOW. And there’s never one. It always starts as three, and that’s before it really gets going. Yesterday, I saw dandelions next to my ritual seed pot, and I thought that was nice. Today, I saw hundreds of dandelions all along the Palisades Parkway. Thousands. A sea of yellow parkway. A profusion.

And today I know that spring is a true thing, and not a glimmer. Thank you, dandelions.

Movie lines

The ones you say all the time. I mean, not your favorites, but the ones you actually say. Because sure, I’d like to say “We’ll always have Paris” is something I say all the time; I’d like to be that cool, but not so much in real life. I’ve said “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” once or twice, but it doesn’t come up all that often, conversationally.

While waiting for our Chinese food last night, Arthur and I strolled over to the pet store, and seeing a birdcage, I said “Boids. Filthy, disgusting, disease-ridden BOIDS.” Bizarrely, that is a line that comes up often.

“I’m using the word hate here. About…” Fill in the blank. The voice of that line just works when you want to underline that you hate something.

“That’ll do, pig.” Virtually any time I finish anything.

Arthur also uses “You might, rabbit, you might” rather more often than you’d expect.

So, here’s a quick compensation for yesterday’s non-trivia: Name the movies I quote, and give me the quotes you like to use (the ones you really use, in conversation. Not the ones you wish you were cool enough to use, and not the ones you only use when you’re being movie-quotey).

Big Thanks to Cathy

My step-sister Cathy taught me how to search Google Cache. And I’ve restored 3 of the missing posts. The cat-blogging isn’t there and of course my saved-for-the-future posts are gone, but I feel so much better!

I lost last week

I lost The Kite Runner review (which I can get back, because I cross-posted at IIRTZ). I lost Cat-Blogging. I lost the Sunday Meditation, which was one of the best things I’ve written in ages, and which I’d planned to save for a book I’m writing. Plus two or three posts I’d written and saved for the future, including a really fabulous one about a conversation with my mother.

Since my web host does a daily backup, I don’t worry about backing up my posts. In fact, he told me not to bother in so many words. Because of the backup. But his hardware somehow ate a week’s worth of backups. They’re all corrupt and cannot be restored.

I’m more than a little upset. And this effects the James Bond blog as well (same host). I actually lost more writing, more pre-saved posts, over there. Did I mention upset? I just can’t believe…I mean writing is what I do. In some ways, it’s what I am, and to see it die…

Oy. No trivia today. Can’t deal.