Judge This!

May 8, 2006 / / 6 comments

I just went into the lunch room to get a soda. Usually, the TV in there is tuned to CNN Headline News. Just now it is tuned to one of those Abrasive Judge Yells At People shows.

I’m thinking there’s an audience for combining the two. You know, have newsmakers come before the judge and have him yell at them and tell them they’re lying scumbags, and to give the American people back their money and go home. “Mr. Rumsfeld, you know you said you knew where the WMDs were, now don’t try to tell me otherwise!” “This nice lady just wants to know why her son was killed. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” “Stop telling me about your plan for Iraq and answer my question!”

Look, the news media isn’t doing their job. Why not give TV judges a chance?

Monday Movie Review: Groundhog Day

May 8, 2006 / / 4 comments

Groundhog Day (1993) 10/10
Self-centered weatherman Phil Connors (Bill Murray) travels from Pittsburgh to Punxsutawney to report on the Groundhog Day festivities. When he wakes up the next morning, though, it is still Groundhog Day. And every morning thereafter, it is Groundhog Day. While the day is new to everyone else, Phil knows he is living the same day over and over, and gradually comes to know every moment of his one day by heart.

Why, you may ask, have I never seen Groundhog Day? It’s simple, and gives great insight into the functioning of my feeble mind: I thought I already had. See, I really loved Caddyshack. And in Caddyshack, Bill Murray plays a golf course groundskeeper who is having an escalating war with a groundhog (or woodchuck or gopher or something). So then, people would say to me “Have you seen Groundhog Day?” And I’d say “The one with Bill Murray and the groundhog” and they’d say “Yes” and we’d agree that it was funny and there you are.

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C is for Cookie

May 7, 2006 / / 6 comments

I don’t know if anyone else can crack themselves up the way I can. Personally, all I have to do is sing C is for Cookie. I can do this quietly, sotto voce, and I’m a goner. I keel over with the giggles. Out loud is just about devastating.

My Cookie Monster imitiation is very good. I can’t do many imitations: I got Cookie, Ernie, and Marvin the Martian, and that’s it. But my Cookie kicks some serious Muppet ass.

Anyway, I crack me up.

Also, I like doing coffee riffs. I’ve been coffee-seeking in my Cookie voice for like twenty years. “Coffee. Me. Wants. Coffee.” Okay, you kinda have to be there. So Friday I was singing C is for Coffee (that’s good enough for me OH! Coffee coffee coffee starts with C). Cracked myself up. Also I was doing the Flying Lizards (I want coffee! Oooh. Ooh ooh. That’s what I want. Ooh.)

In the past, I had a distinct fondness for Bow Wow Wow (I want coffee!). I didn’t actually do this one Friday, I didn’t even think of it until I started writing, but anyway, it’s in the repetoire.

Now, my ex thought I was perhaps too easily amused and used to make fun of me for cracking myself up.

So I will throw this open to the masses. How do you crack yourself up? Or, am I just weird?

Oh. The agony.

May 6, 2006 / / 5 comments

I just realized that I will be in Brazil during Arthur’s dance recital. That so completely sucks that it is a whole new level of suckfulness. It is Peak Suck. Fuck suck. I am upset. Do I sound upset?

Okay, not only is it Good Mothering™ to attend the recitals, but I enjoy them. Arthur is a good dancer. He is a cool dancer. He is fun to watch. I burst with pride. I kvel. I die. I love every minute.

But Brazil. Gotta go. Maybe if it hadn’t been planned so much further in advance than the dance recital I could have done something (although…miss Brazil? Kinda hard to get my brain around that). But I only got the dance schedule a month ago or less and Brazil has been in the hopper for five or six months.

Erg.

Post-birthday run-down

May 5, 2006 / / 8 comments

Yesterday was my birthday. No, you didn’t miss my post about it. The past few years I have decided not to tell people, not to make a big demand on the world to pay attention to me.

This has limited success, because deep down, actually an inch or so down, I want the world to pay attention to me. So I often just feel sad and sulky. But it’s interesting because I got phone calls and emails and cards and a couple of presents. And I still felt sorry for myself.

Loneliness isn’t about other people. I am lonely because I feel lonely. It’s a perfect tautology. I could be surrounded by people, and as long as I maintain my sadness that is exactly how I will feel. So, although I recognize that my strategy (secretly designed to facilitate any surprise parties that may be, but are not actually, in the offing) isn’t working, I nonetheless appreciate the introspection of time spent alone with my wildly misguided hopes and expectations.

Anyway, fuck that bag. I took myself out to dinner and had big quantities of sushi and hot sake and yes, that does make a girl feel better and indeed, quite celebratory.

Yay me. Congratulations on yet another successful turning 39.

Porter Goss Resigns!

May 5, 2006 / / Comments Off on Porter Goss Resigns!

I’m thinking he’s been thrown under the bus. But why, specifically? This could be fun.

Update: Bloggers speculate this is about Hookergate, and it looks to me like they’re right.

Friday Kittenblogging: I have no balls

May 5, 2006 / / 2 comments

Mingo is home from his fixation. Fanty is spending the night at the vet’s and will be home tomorrow.

Mingo poses with his new, streamlined crotch
Marilyn, eat your heart out

(I couldn’t have planned this photo!)
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Proudest Mom Ever

May 4, 2006 / / 9 comments

Scroll down to “Latin Awards.”

Like cigarettes in prison

May 4, 2006 / / Comments Off on Like cigarettes in prison

There’s a brilliant diary over at Daily Kos that you should read. Diarist Magorn is talking about Dan Froomkin’s article on the White House Press Corps Dinner and all the tut-tut tsk-tsking about Colbert’s brillaint satire.

Events like the Dinner, and what it reveals about the incestuous, access-driven world of the Washington Media, are EXACTLY what drives us crazy about the mainstream media these days. They have incredible access to the powers that be, supposedly on our behalf. They are in a unique position to confront and challenge the Administration’s lies and law-breaking. They should be our surrogates, demanding answers from our elected leaders. Instead, they do nothing. Why? Because it might jeopardize their access. It has gone from a means to an end , to an end in and of itself. Like cigarettes in prison, it has become the currency of the powerless.

Read the whole thing.

Bond Collector’s Weekend #9

May 4, 2006 / / 9 comments

I am so excited to be going to this event. I had a good time last year. In fact, I had a great time, despite sore feet from all the walking.

This year, the “weekend” (Friday through Monday) will be a Carnival Fascination cruise. Saturday will be the Death March through Nassau (and in August, I imagine it will be genuinely deathly). The rest of the time will be shipboard. My only disappointment is that some of the wonderful friends I made last year won’t be able to attend this year.

I am so thrilled. Arthur is joining me. The ship has a spa, pools, nightclubs, dining, lots of amenities, and an entire teen program with a lounge, video games, and (best of all) other teens to hang with. I’ve always wanted to try a cruise, and I loves me some spa time.

I have an evening gown, new shoes, new Death March shorts, and my costume is just about together. Can’t. Frickin. Wait.

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