In a post that is not about girliness, Shakespeare’s Sister describes why she isn’t girly:
I have a filthy mouth, a dirty sense of humor, an aesthetic lack of girliness (as in no make-up, no skirts, and perpetually untidy hair), and a collection of attributes which men and women alike deem “boyish???—namely, a fondness for Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, video game junkitude, the ability to correctly distinguish between DC and Marvel superheroes, and a pathological aversion to shopping.
I thought that was interesting. I have some of her “boy” characteristics, and some of her “girl” characteristics.
When I was younger, I thought I wasn’t girly because I’m loud, awkward, and socially agressive. I liked hanging out with the guys. I thought makeup was boring (I do wear makeup sometimes, not daily, but I find talking about makeup excruciating). Feminists talked about how men dominated conversations and silenced women in mixed groups, and I thought, uh oh, I guess I’m not very female, because that never happens to me. I prefered boisterous man-talk to retiring to the kitchen with the ladies and the babies. I forget to look in the mirror so if my lipstick goes haywire or my hair stands straight up, hours could pass before I notice. I sit large and have never managed any sort of ladylike posture. And yes, I like science fiction and Star Trek and men just cannot believe they are meeting a woman who loves James Bond.
But then some people in my life started telling me I was very girly. Very. I couldn’t understand that at first. Ultimately I could come up with a list of girl characteristics: I love to shop. I love pretty colors and pretty things and I like to wear pink. I like fairies and flowers (my tattoos are ultra-fem). My flirtation style is coy and girly. I blush. I like girl-chores better than boy-chores, and would much rather clean the kitchen than take out the garbage. I am confused by hardware and I think cars and electronics are extremely dull (Unless James Bond is operating them). Duller even than makeup.
Then, last summer, talking with some female friends, I discovered we all had, at some points, doubts about whether we were “real girls.”
I am gradually getting it through my head that I am girly because I am a girl. Womanly because I am a woman. Feminine because I am female. There doesn’t need to be any other test.
So ‘fess up. In what ways are you, and are you not, typical of your gender? What characteristics caused you to doubt yourself? What affirmed you? What’s your list?